exhaustion is trying to break me.

so, i have been extremely busy the past few months. i have been doing a plethra of things. here is what i have done.

1-being a mom, to a 2 and 7yr old.
2-being a taxi for all the people in my life without a ride.
3-sewing and getting my website up and running.
4-still getting over the loss of my father.
5-dealing with alot of reallizations i have come to.

i have come to the conclusion after coming close to a breakdown that i need to take time out each day for myself. i have i have been attempting to 'work' on my issues for the past year and a half. i know alot of you who are positive thinkers are like "what issues?" but trust, they are there. so i have tried doing meditation, but it doesnt work. my house is not big enough to have a quiet room to myself to practice said meditation.

and i have been trying the affirming myself thing. (it has been good for other friends) yet i don't really buy what i have been telling myself each day. i have not had any time for myself in about 8 years. so i have alot of self doubt and insecurities that i need to let go of. i just never have the time to treat myself.
i live my life day by day for everyone else. it stops now. for i risk driving myself off a short pier...due to a brain exploding.

i just feel so beat down mentally that the physical part is now happening.
i don't know why. i felt the need to blog it out this morning.